You might have missed out, unless you were "poor".

Here's some background for you: man from "comfortable" family, and a woman from at least that, but better, as far as funds go. They marry. They move AWAY from their parents, their support systems. She's a stay at home mommom, by choice, (even though she has a college education). Later, they have two (extremely good-looking) children, and, oh, surprise... an unplanned third! (And of course she is a beautiful gift to us all). Still, she was not "planned", and was born during their divorce. Everything in between, if you weren't here for it, is not of importance to you, at least not for right now. So what can a young mother with two children and a newborn, and no job, do? She can think about, and plan for going back to school, to get more than a general education. In the meantime, how does she make it? Oh, and, he lost his job, so he's going to struggle as well, and now he probably won't find another preaching job, with what has just transpired, and with past choices made. And there it is. Go from a nice, though smallish home, to one parent in an apartment, and one taking her three children to live with friends, (all four of us in one room), til she's on her feet. Throw in some food stamps and a helpful and loving church family...I mean, of course we made it. However, McDonald's was a huge treat, a luxury. Christmas was very small. Clothes were used, much of the time, and the rental home we ended up in came complete with a somewhat scary neighborhood, including, but not limited to, a sometimes naked man across the street, who did attempt to come into our house, and who was after my thirty-something, beautiful mother. I walked to school in seventh grade, yes,...in rain, with stray dogs running around, and sometimes less than friendly kids. I specifically remember one Christmas that our church brought us a beautiful meal, and many gifts, and the tears and joy that ensued. I do not, however, remember being sad about lack of money, feeling "poor", or feeling like I suddenly had less than some of my friends. I don't think I even knew about poor. I knew I was loved, even through my pain at the divorce. I knew both my parents would do ANYTHING to care for me, and I knew God had not forgotten us, even in my small understanding of Him. These days, my father is a business owner, and not just of one, but of two small advertising businesses. My mother is married to a retired accountant. These things don't really matter, though. What matters is that I learned that my value doesn't come from what I have. I learned to be patient.  I learned to have a good work ethic, and to work hard. I learned not to expect, but to be grateful, and most of all, that Gods gifts are mostly NOT in the form of money, though He does bless in that way, too. Of course everyone has their own experience, and their own valuable lessons from whatever their situation was. This is just mine. I also know that compared to the rest of the world, we were RICH, with food, and clothing, and a home, and love. I am not embarrassed that we were ever "poor". I am proud of my parents and stepparents, who give away SO much to others, including their money. They also give support, friendship, teaching, and unconditional love to many many people. I can't even begin to tell you about it all! So thank you. Thank you to them, for all the things I might have missed out on,  (but didn't) if I would have always "had it all."

sustenance of the soul

Kisses for and from my children, swimming, running, singing, my veggie garden, poetry, prayer, meditation, the psalms, baking, Sundays at Journey, laughter with friends, my special patients, planting flowers, slow dances, long drives, painting furniture, mint chocolate chip ice cream, smiles from strangers, tight squeezes from my husband, my dog licking my toes......thank you God for all your gifts. I am undeserving and grateful.

Simply for the joy of it

The beauty of water is that almost anything can part it, but almost nothing can stop it if there is enough of it. Symbolic enough. It can envelop your worries when you dive down and let it all go. From the late night swims of the past, in only moonlight, to my children splashing in the river, to the baptism in the pond, which no water experience will ever compare to again.

Late night randomness

"And if I should go, I hope you know...I always loved you, held you high above too."-sirens

Exquisite love and exquisite pain, that's the chance we all take. And its worth it. If you don't, you're not living, you're just alive.

You are my youth, dreams that had not yet unfolded... innocence and recklessness. And now here for my becoming, for tired smiles and who knows what. Before the world was real, and after it was real, there was you. Sometimes lost, sometimes found, but still.....Some people make everything beautiful! Keep growing. Stay alive. Thank you.

Will run for.....

One of the things that I've missed the most about running is that release of endorphins, and that feeling that you get when you're all finished, a feeling of accomplishment. Like so many moms, I have, in many ways neglected myself. Between the babies and the house and the garden and the job and church and friends and family and my husband, I forgot that the person taking care of all those things might need a little attention too. Trust me, moms, if you completely neglect yourself, spiritually, physically, or mentally, it does not benefit those that you care most about.God designed women to be able to juggle so many things, but if we never slow down,and we never allow ourselves a portion of time to recover, we can become bitter and resentful, or just flat out exhausted. Then we are no good to anybody! for me, part of dealing with my fibromyalgia is to exercise. If I don't exercise, it becomes much worse. So this last year I decided to get back into shape and pick up an old habit from years ago. I have enjoyed running in two separate 5 K's this year, challenging myself,and enjoying that time with friends. There is so much more to running than simply exercising. I accomplish several things at once..Soooooo, I will run to stay healthy, meditate, spend time in prayer, enjoy my music, unwind, release stress, lose weight, build strength, ward off fibromyalgia, be a better mom, and a better wife, and, drumroll please.....have fun!!! I hope you are inspired to do the same!

Settling in

Long time no writing! Last time I blogged, we were in the process of moving. We have been so busy, all the way around, with life in general. I finally have time to stop and smell the peonies! Within the first week of moving, we were mostly unpacked, other than some odds and ends. We didn't have enough furniture to fill the place, which was fine. We were just happy for all the extra space. Since moving, we have painted and decorated Drews' room, in kind of a vintage car theme, and Alli Carolines' room, (yellow, of course), and hers is also a little vintage as well, with bird décor, and my antique dresser, and some really sweet lanterns hanging around her bed. We painted our living room and it's almost finished as far as décor, and we painted and decorated the playroom, which turned out sweet and whimsical, just as I was hoping it would be. We are still working on the kitchen, but so far we have had the cabinets painted by Jasons' dad, and he did a beautiful job. I have spent hours peeling the 1972 wallpaper, my dad and Jason pulled out some cabinets to give it more of an open concept feel, and we just hung two red pendant lights over the little island/counter area. It is coming along! The rest of the rooms still need painted, but they are totally livable until we get to it. I am enjoying only having to go to work three days a week, and Jason just got a new and wonderful job, after many years at the same place. It was hard for him to adjust at first, but they seem to hold him in high regard, and have really shown him how much they appreciate them. He is now an IMI assistant manager, and he loves his job, and it has been a huge step up income-wise, so I am thankful for that too! Drew and I just got done planting our veggie garden about a week and a half ago, and we already have 7 to 8 veggies that are popping up and well on their way! I enjoy digging and planting so much, probably more than any other hobby, so it has been quite gratifying, as it is for most gardeners. Alli C is now 13 months old, and she has been running since about 11 months...yes, running. She is afraid of almost nothing, and is into everything. She is a snuggle bug, and loves to eat. There isn't much she won't eat, hence the sweet chunky thighs! She babbles all day, and she loves her Bubby Drew. Drew is 4 now, and will start pre-school this Fall;( It's hard to believe he is ready for school, but I am so proud of him. He is charming, and quite a comedian. He has a beautiful voice, and loves to go around the house singing. He is also rather quirky, and likes things a certain way. (Too young to diagnose, but I'd say OCD, for certain). All the parents are doing well. Justins' boys are growing like weeds, and they are the sweetest. Jordan just attended his first prom, and he is driving now (what????????!!!). Amanda is getting married in July! She has a great, Christian, loving man, who also happens to be super cute. (Good for her). I am so happy for her, and I think she has met her match. They are very much alike, both super intellectual, and have common interests. God had something in mind for her all along, and all we had to do is trust Him. He is SO good. He is unbelievably good. He is good in storms and in sunshine. He never leaves us and He is always waiting when we wander. I can't imagine life without having a personal relationship with Him. Every single thing we have, every earthly blessing can be removed from us. People die, move away, betray, and material things break. Jobs can be lost, health will decline. He is the only thing that remains. For all of the blessings he has given us, we are eternally grateful. For his Son, we are even more grateful. I am so glad I have friends to remind me of these truths during the hard times, because there will ALWAYS be hard times. And there will ALWAYS  be Jesus. #feelingthankfulandblessedbeyondmeasure

Summer Recap:)

 

Here are a few of my favorite summer pics, as it quickly comes to an end. Alli Caroline is now four days away from being five months old. I can't believe it! She is a definite go-getter. She is already trying to crawl, and says "Mom-mom". She rolls all over the place, which she started doing at four months old, and tonight we caught her wiggling right out of her swing. I suppose it's time to strap her in! We never had to do that with Drew-he was so laid back. His personality has changed quite a bit, though, and he's a little more hyper these days. ;) We got to enjoy lots of back- yard- baby- pool days, going to the park, the lakes, birthday partys, the fair, and the Childrens Museum, and even a few days at the movie theatre. Plus, add a couple ER visits for Drew. Ha! (Luckily, it was nothing life threatening). I totally enjoyed my maternity leave, and it was hard to go back, but I only have to go in three days a week, so it's very manageable. I just have to choose sometimes- clean the house and be on top of everything, or play with my kids....and I will ALWAYS choose playing with my kiddos. They are my greatest earthly blessing, and I realize that they will only be little for so long. I have also been able to really enjoy my womens bible study-and deepened my relationships with those women who I already loved, besides starting a few new friendships. That was one of the greatest blessings of the summer. We are leaving to go to Illinois next weekend for my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary celebration. I am very excited! Not too many couples are together that long any more. Then, we are moving, on the following weekend!!! We are so excited to finally have more space, though itll be a little sad to leave our cute little bungalow where we have made so many memories (but not THAT sad, mind you). :) It has been a wonderful home, but we have expanded and need to be able to spread out a bit! Right now I share a closet with both kids, and we are running out of cabinet space. We don't yet have enough furniture to fill a two-story house, but that's ok! We will have lots of room to run for a while, and I am looking forward to taking my time with it and making it a really fun and beautiful place to raise our children. I am constantly thanking God for taking care of the people I love. He is SO good.