I asked for a love
To discover me in my haunting
to knock the gathering cobwebs from my heart
and change my night to day
But I would not take the road less traveled
Too much yearning, too much wanting
I would do it MY way
I asked you what the trouble was
where was he, and why not hurry?
As I wandered, and clawed
so focused in my plight
And I bet you grew weary
watching me stumble, my vision blurry
But you looked down with Grace,
and then placed him in my sight
I asked you to nurture
the friendships I had
to lace them up tight
and grow them forever
and though the unraveling
made me so sad
you smiled and said,
"I have something better"
The next year I beckoned you, listen
to my great desire!
Though you'd sent me a lover, my husband and friend
you still had one other chore
For years, with yearning
with passion on fire
I'd wanted a child
My mothering heart desired nothing more
And though I knew YOU
and that you always chose things right
I doubted and fretted
and I could not hold still, worried, in my mire...would you say, "No"?
And then, without blinking
you blessed and grew my belly, you showered me in light
And I carried home, in December snowfall
my now greatest delight
So I beg you for wisdom
for know-how, and the chance
to grow him up right
and oh, "could you not let him have too much pain?"
And then, through my tears
I see your answer already...
and you say that in moonbeams, he will dance
and you'll walk with him, as you have me, through both sunshine and rain.
This is from a card that I recieved during my last clinical rotation, on the OB floor at Saint Johns. Myself and another student were able to sit in on a childbirth class, and the nurse educator handed these cards out to the expectant parents, and gave one to us, too. I thought it was pretty cool, and I don't think I could have said this any better than it reads on the card:
When God wants something great
done in this world,
He doesn't dispatch
a legion of avenging angels:
Neither does He call forth a whirlwind
Nor ignite the fuse of volcanic fireworks:
No commandeering of troops into battle
No discharging zealous crusaders to holy causes:
He does not orchestrate the burst and boom of thunder
Nor display His fiery arrows
Nor majesty across the sky to bring His purpose to pass.
When God wants something great done in this world...
Tonight was our last night of the Mommy and Me Swim class, and Drew graduated as a Kipper, with a certificate and all! It has been a really fun experience that allowed Drew and I to bond in the water each week, and gave him more confidence than he already had (though this is a little scary!) We plan to do it again in the Spring, when Drew is about 15 months old. He was the youngest in his class, but made great progress over the seven weeks that we participated. He learned to float using devices, such as a noodle-he knows how to hang on, and I can actually let go of him! He also learned to jump off of the side into my (or any adult's) arms, from a sitting position, and to float on his back with me only supporting his elbows. As he gets older, the goals will be for him to float on his back, completely on his own, to dog-paddle, and to eventually swim under water. One of the exercises for tonight was to actually drop him off of the diving board, with the swim instructor in the water to make sure his head didn't go under. Unfortunately, this was not to his favor! He let us know, afterward, just how mad he was, and clawed my skin, afraid that we were going to do it again. However, this is part of letting them see what it would feel like to fall from a greater height, and he did forgive us...eventually. About fifteen minutes later he went right back to his regular swim exercises, laughing and smiling all the while. He even hugged the instructor, which was good since she was feeling QUITE guilty! Here are the pics of Drew with his certificate (smirking), and a few random ones before and after he had his shower.
These are some of the pics from our trip to Bear Creek Farms. It's a really rustic, quaint place to visit, with horses and antiques, a lodge with a Build-a-Bear workshop, an indoor water park, and a (way too incredible) buffett. It also has paddle boats, but, of course, it was a little cold for that! We had a great time, and got to see my grandparents, which is always a treat. Drew loved the donkey, and I think he might have jumped in there with it if we'd have let him. He clung to Jordan much of the time, covering him in kisses, which Jordan gratefully accepted. I decided to get back in touch with my inner child, and go down one of the really cold water slides several times, however, Jason was a weenie and kept trying to sneak into the sauna room and get warm instead of joining me on the slides:) We got to feed the horses, though one of them sent us running when it tried to break through the fence! It was a fun place that I'd like to visit again, maybe in warmer weather!
Artist: "Plumb"
Your baby blues, so full of wonder
your curly cues, your contagious smile
and as I watch, you start to grow up
all I can do...is hold you tight
Knowing...clouds will rage in
storms will race in
but you will be safe...
in my arms
Rains will pour down
waves will crash around
but you will be safe...in my arms
Story books, full of fairy tales
of kings and queens,
and the bluest skies
My heart is torn
just in knowing
you'll someday see
the truth from lies
Knowing...clouds will rage in
storms will race in
but you will be safe... in my arms
Rains will pour down
waves will crash around
but you will be safe...in my arms
Castles, they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
You are never all alone
cause I will always...always love you.
Every time I hear that song, I think of Drew, and tearfully realize what he will have to go through...people who will reject him, friends who might abandon him, physical pain, people he will lose. It's too much to think about, really, but it reminds me of the conversation with my dad: "Dad, people have asked me why God even created us, when He knew we would go through so much pain. Or they want to know how He can let certain things happen. I feel that way, too, so its hard to answer them. Even though I know that pain is part of the world we live in, some things are just so bad." His response to me was, "Jenny, I asked my teacher that same thing, one time, in preaching school. Your Poppy Don asked me why God would even create us, when He knew what we would go through, and I wasn't sure how to answer, so I asked one of my teachers. My teacher's answer was, "Because He wanted children."
